Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to me
I think you better leave; it's not safe in her,
I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then
I can keep your number for a rainy day
That's when its set, no mistakes no misbehaving
I was doing so well, can we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me
Oh now don't make it harder than it already is
I feel a weakness coming on.

Big trouble loosing control
Primary resistance at a critical load
On the double gotta get a hold
Point of no return a second to go

No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
To a lower lever, systems failed, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in

Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.

I left ballet today, I told Pam I was sick
some stomach bug/going around crane/sick during chorus
BULLshit
I JUST COULDNT TAKE AN HOUR AND A HALF OF LOOKING AT MYSLEF IN A HUGE MIRROR
I didn’t mean for caps lock to be on for that- but it definitely worked and i will take artistic credit for it.
so i did Russian diction hw instead and practiced
and obsessed over my weight
and bought pretzels and an apple
because it makes it all better
i thought showering would help- doing my hair, looking conventionally beautiful and making effort

and it did until I entered the union and I felt completely pudgy and flurries don’t help and all of a sudden it was 10 o clock

and I’m sitting in my room, watching American beauty, missing nick for no reason or every reason

“it wasn’t paradise, but it was home” even when we were doing the friends thing which lets face it failed miserably.

I walked around campus and then into the union and bought a pack of camel lights.  I walked around campus, holding said pack of cigarettes in my right hand in my right pocket feeling devious and excited with a secret.  A group of kids in sweatsuits got out of their night class and I lit up.  With a match- with 3 matches (it’s windy and I don’t do this)

Lighting yourself on fire is easy to do when you have the fingerless gloves with the mitten flaps.  I almost did it 6 times.  I didn’t inhale or even let it touch my lips that much, I just leaned against brainard and tried to figure out why I cried so much tonight sometime between 7:30 and 10 pm… trying to recall what exactly happened

And why I hate my body and work so hard at making it perfect when nothing shows

And if it does

It doesn’t matter

Because if your personality is chunky, no elliptical can fix that. And I will not compete for everything.

The only redeeming factor in my evening is my apple spice candle.  It looks like a big red glass apple. And I  love it.

I can’t cry anymore, my eyes are dry and red and they hurt a lot more than I thought they would

I don’t want to do anything for my birthday anymore. 

The last 20 years may have been a coma

so why would I want to wake up

my sister just called and gave me the name of the bar she is at and where she is parked because the perfect guy she was getting one or two drinks with turned out to be a roofie laced psycho.

I <3 dudes, DON’T YOU

I might saved a little trouble for the next girl, 
Cause the next time that he cheats... 

Oh, you know it won't be on me