Miss E's Journal

sticky pavement

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 00:42:57 GMT

i am back to a year ago, pounding pavement hard in shiny new sneaks, daring my ipod to give me another michael buble song before i throw it into any one of the rows of recycling bins on the blocks ahead.

sticky summer pavement cling to the back of my heels as the padding of feet distracts me from where i am. again.

a year ago, i was running. running, slower than i am now. thicker, with longer hair, a deeper tan, and with really no business in running shorts. cooperstown has a unique terrain in all of its hills, and one i hope to someday tackle on the road bike i have yet to purchase.
i was chasing a boy named ben through the 8th grade-antics of a summer opera program. literally, because as a running buddy, he kicked my ass

he looked like matt damon. i was bored.

plotting a way to come back in the fall and look and feel incredible, and blow your mind. out of the water. i clearly did not succeed.

i am in a new apartment, bare walls, naked windows, hard wood floors speckled white from shoddy paint jobs. a tv that will no doubt serve as a stand for my boas before it is actually plugged in. it will be weeks.

half marathon in 7 weeks. i am going to puke before i finish, im really not athletic at all.

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:19:30 GMT

two day sore.
twenty seven day pain.
10 month ache.
1 year smile.

Lesbian sex tastes like rasberry mint orbit.

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 01:34:09 GMT

I realize that may sound ludicrous to most people. but for the first woman i loved, was in love with, fell for completely, that was all there was. when she gave me a pack of that gum to take on a road trip, i thought i'd died and gone to heaven. i got to relieve her kisses all the way to rochester and back, even being all alone in my jetta.
packs of rasberry mint orbit all over her room, with strewn-about gym clothes. organic bath products. endless reciepts. and feminist literature lining ikea bookshelves. undoing gender by judith butler. the vagina monologues. really? is that necessary?
maybe.
i just reread the vagina monologues and was not surprised at how indifferent i remain.
i don't want the word cunt back. for the record, i dont think i ever lost it.

getting over your first real partner is kind of like rehab. or grieving. im pretty sure i just completed the final stage. im also pretty sure, besides the indigestion from a tuna melt, that i feel pretty phenomonal.

.Shock.
she dumped me weeks before she actually did it. and she did it at work after she talked behind my back. and i shared it all. my dreams of kids and a life and a 401K. as she pushed me away, i pryed farther in. i wanted no corner of her heart untouched out of desperation and fear of loss. my selfishness spiraled our end. the shock was self-inflicted because she had lost interest long before, but never underestimate the power of ...

.Denial.
doesn't this kind of just go with shock?

.Bargaining.
I said give it the summer. she'll cool off and miss me because im so great. HA. ill have a great time and ignore the pain and all that emotional constipation and interval cardio will pay off when she sees me in september and i look smokin.

.Guilt.
the guilt i had quickly evaporated when she had a new love of her life days after she dumped me in her cube. god it sounds so trashy when i type it out, doesn't it? i don't really know if it was as trashy as it sounds but i don't care. i really don't. she could have lived in a trailor park and her only friend could have been a shotgun and a case of 40's and i still would have thought she shit roses.

.Anger.
all summer. all fall. so much hate. and bitterness. every woman she walked in with made my teeth ache and stomach drop. i don't even think i was jealous, i just knew they were in for a world of pain. i envied the pain.

.Depression.
i'd say this consumed my fall. besides for the weight loss and ability to spend a fair amount of energy on avoiding everything that had to do with her, it was uneventful. and sad. well i walked out of it with nice abs and an even lower alcohol tolerance. a few black outs, a few blips in sanity, and an incredible woman who i have the privelage of calling my roommate... she made me laugh through my tears on a weekly basis.

.Acceptance.
Jan 09. a year after it started. its been over for months, and the thought of another woman kissing me makes me nauseous. i bit the bullet last night and survived. i dont know why i chose a woman who lives in brooklyn and is strong enough to bench me, or maybe there is a reason for that. maybe there is a reason she chose me.

i have great memories. an incredible saint patrick's day with friends at a local bar, impromptu roadtrips and nights of talking and laughing and crying with slices of soy pizza sprinkled in between. i don't think i can eat la nova chicken bites anymore and thats not a huge loss for either my tase buds of my ass.

driving around in lindsay's car last, night, when she offered me gum, i didn't even think about what kind and said yes.

there it was.
her mouth and her eyes and her hands all over again.
but this time, i just smiled. and thanked god and buddha and everyone else that i had a chance to love someone enough to rip my insides apart.
who knew i was lucky?

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 03:37:59 GMT

i spent my summer

- rehearsing a three hour German opera set in Italy in a 90 degree Catholic grammaer school cafeteria.
- dodging 12 year-olds while i pawed my large soy latte crossing the street at the flagpole to get to my car, in hopes of getting there before the meter ran up.
- standing in line with puffy, middle aged dads, moaning with their burt faces and wind pants about the traffic in Cooperstown.
- taking car rides with the windows rolled down, blasting american pie and having three of my best friends from the summer all scream along.
- having friends. straight. male. friends.
- stuffing my body into an authentic 1950's girdle for a costume that made me look like snow white with a page boy haircut and Madonna-pointed boobs.

AND YOU MISSED ALL OF IT.
because you found something better. i'm cute, and pretty smart, and really funny. and i have a job. and benefits.
and we could have a life. we could have a great fucking time.
i said no all summer to all these girls. three beautiful girls. women.
with amazing tits- all of them, i swear. i am totally not an ass girl.

working on getting over someone is like trying to make a comic Wagner opera actually funny.
it takes a ton of work, and in the end, who knows whats really going to click?
one day i will stop picturing you fucking your new girlfriend and laughing about how in love i was with you. until then, i have angsty girl music and a new job i can throw myself into.

"We have a whole life to live together you fucker, but it can't start until you call" - You and Me and Everyone We Know

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 00:43:29 GMT

back to the doctor tomorrow after two weeks off. new perscriptions and you know whats funny is that ive been able to drink the past week
and drunk dreams are going to get me through so much because in them i get to see you and walk with you and we talk about everything and sometimes you shoot me in the dream. you've been appearing everywhere in my memory like a nasty flu bug, just can't shake it. in reality im sure you wouldn't be so nice, nice enough to hold me or to kill me. youd be sympathetic... the way you would look at a hamster with leprosy. still cute, just kind of icky. im not contagious.
its funny... after a few martinis everything in my subconcious is crystal clear; its like a trade off with the blurry reality that is present at the time.
lortab dreams are not as fun because they are just so blurry. but not drunk dreams, no sir.
if i see you again and it is in real time and not some metaphysical wormhole, i really hope i look good. maybe a blue curly wig and rainbow eyelashes. something flashy- god only knows how you remember me, chubby and smiling with too much black eyes shadow and an ill fitting blazer. oh yea, and some gaudy earrings. goulet.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:07:21 GMT

i look GREAT. im losing weight and tanning and hiding everything and
at a yacht club dinner party, IIIIIIII get to deal with pitiful glances from family friends who wish they could just HUG ME and tell me that exact phrase WITHOUT ANY PHYSICAL CONTACT.

ironically enough, to be strong and wise and courageous like everyone says i'm being,
don't i have to be a little bit t r u t h f u l?
instead, i am ejecting everyone from my life, pummeling them with thoughts on ignorance when they are anything but.
in the last month, i've walked out on 3 different friends, brimming with tears, because THEY don't know how to react. THEY never understand. I am not their problem.
I want
everything ripped out of me like a rusty hanger abortion
no clean cut mds, nothing dignified or sacred.
why do we treat this poison like a sickness? or even worse, a curse
scheming chemo
time out because to be honest this reinvention is kind of refreshing
the thought of never touching or loving or fucking anyone ever again
i don't sing as much as a should because my pain meds give me a fear of hemorrhaging.
in the sea of orange bottles and depressing conversations is healing somewhere and i have been trying to find it.
for some reason making peace with some people is as important to me as cutting others completely off.
and i secretly want your cell phone number so i can call you and tell you to come visit me in the hospital.
because im not really sick unless im in a blue gown, right? god, i wonder what everyone's ultimatum is. like when they decide YES I AM SICK. the prognosis? the hair loss? or is it just the feeling that you might not get to say goodbye to someone. sometime. in the near or distant future. as shallow as it is, im glad i get to keep my hair.

ok

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 13:32:55 GMT

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

-------------------------------------------------------------

so im sick.
and im staying in buffalo to get treated. and working part time if i can and getting coaching FO SHO.
i want to get better but writing about things doesnt seem to be practical.
this is my official journal hiatus until im healthy again, or at least more optimistic.
peace our cub scout

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 03:14:59 GMT

ive been extremely absent these past few months, and i regrettfully inform those who probably aren't even reading this that I do not even remember when I last posted- graduation maybe?
i am working for glimmerglass now, projecting translated titles that i did not tranlaste on an overhead i did not plaster. my intern status is din, but i marched in a townie parade wearing a top hat and holding an opera banner, one cannot ask for more on such a patriotic day. oh yes. then we ate tollhouse pie and cheeseburgers in the rain while listening to cub scouts recite the pledge of allegiance. my patiotic streak ended there-
i bought a 12 pack of corona and played scrabble with my housemates all day while glancing sometimes (or often) at the law and order marathon. this must be like what its like to live off campus. old, drafty house, an off-limits third floor, impeccably constucted but agedly crooked hardwood floors, and mice,bats,and spiders... enough to start a colony of each. its an old episcopal retreat house, complete with grown over walking path, destroyed basketball courts, and sealed off dance hall/chapel. cabins in the woods are marked with the four gospel writers, their names above the doors. rather ominous if you ask me. our caretaker lets his children run wild across our half mile uphill gravel pathway that leads to "the estate". they play princesses orsoemthing in thier halloween costumes while a chained in kennel of half a dozen dogs noisily demands attention. i joined a gym because i couldn't run outside; one of the dogs would iinevitably find a way out just in time to chase me to my front door.
i went to mexico with latin ensemble and saw my face on a poster bigger than i couldnt have ever imagined. my arm fat was just as enlarged but thats another story. i loved traveling with a half a dozen guys and living out of a suitcase. kickie always said, "if you're a woman in a big band, you can be three things: one of the guys, in love with one member of the band, or locker room talk." im pretty sure i accomplished neither or a bit of all three, so im not sure what that implies. i did fall a little bit, if for nothing else, for nostalgia, and i certainly learned what they knew about me after the first round of tequila shots. as for one of the guys, i hope to never be, to be honest. im pretty sure im the fourth option that she didn't mention, which is in love with someone who isn't there anymore.
the first night we were in mexico, we went to this bar called nueva luna and there was a live band. they were perfming one of our charts and i got up with the lead singer and sang it with her. then, i was one of the guys and they all opened up. it was one of the best feelings ive had in a long time, with the exception of knowing that I had a summer job.
i should be writing about other things, but nothing's coming to my mind.
mexico was a blur of on-campus starbucks mochas, coutning pesos, 6 hours rehearsals where my feet almost fell off, and constantly checking to make sure my cleavage was in check at the gigs. fabulous.
my mom is calling. jawesome.

i walk by you and the next 15 seconds is a daze

Wed, 16 May 2007 02:34:56 GMT

i'm graduating in a few days na di have a lot of things to clean out. about 3 boxes filled with unorganized music to start. but also "my documents" on this what feels like ancient computer. and i found all these words i wrote about people and its so angsty. but honestly, the last few weeks, i have spent a lot of time crying about things i cannot change and people i will not get to say goodbye to. because im too stubborn or too hurt or too pissed. it would be silly to say goodbye to someone when you know you will see them again, right? and i how do i know?
i dont know.
this campus looks like someone after a barfight... there's been 2 suicides within a month and we are all walking around with injuries we don't even realize we have.
sarah says everyone is drowning their pain in water bongs. while in college, embrace the archetype i guess.

i guess if this is it, then good. and maybe we can all move on. wouldn't it be nice?

just once more for old times sake (the music, not the entry)

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 05:46:15 GMT

im not going to call vanessa and complain because it will do no use and i will just miss her more
i really have to STOP checking facebook
i really have to do a lot of things. let's see.

i will stop missing someone who is so bad for me it makes my heart fall into my stomach when i see him.

i will not have any more crushes on random people just because i THINK they would really help my confidence and we would work really well together at parties.

i will stop pretending that i never dated a girl.

i will (make a conscious effort to) stop being awkward to the few people around campus that i have had one-night-standy-hook-up things with.

i will stop listening to death cab for cutie for at least a week.

i will force myself to realize that percussionists are not the cool kids in 8th grade and i am not the frumpy girl with too many clips in her hair and pink and green braces that i could never be friends with. im dating one for dog's sake and i still cant handle it. get a life.

i will allow myself to get mad at eric for not taking a picture with me at the latin ensemble concert. he was being ridiculous.

and i will allow myself to wear my fake engagement ring so i get free food in the commons. because dammit, i deserve it. that ring was 6 dollars.

i feel better now. maybe its the peanut butter talking, because i love me some peanut butter.
im eating it on an apple because i let the whole loaf of bread get moldy because i had it for 2 weeks and never ate it- what a waste of great bread, truly. ive just been too busy to make sadnwiches lately, and to be honest, one should never be too busy to make sandwiches. they are delicious.
it took me about 5 minutes to figure out there was two i's in delicous. i did it again!
clearly it is time for bed

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 03:30:28 GMT

i wish you were here right now
to tell me that tomorrow is going to go well, more than well.

youd tell me i would not just be fine, but be wonderful
and youd tell me you loved me since the moment you first saw me
we would smile and recall how truly awful i looked that day and how you admired my confidence. i would of course, concur.
that performer is so stifled and confused right now
classical versus salsa
and then guildenstern.
guildenstern. who philosophically rants to the point of exhaustion, getting herself nowhere and isolating herself by tiny measurements in the process. she ends up dead, in her coffin, not even next to the man she spent her life coaxing, touching, consoling, complaining, and grieving. to be destined for isolation is own thing, but to self inflict it is a whole other barrel of... not monkeys. anything but monkeys.
and i am doing that. i am isolating myself, by my setting; the only thing betraying my isolation is my yearning to create a conversation in a circle of elementary and remarkably unremarkable people.
because clearly im remarkable! ha
the bottom line is: nothing feels safe, and no one feels like home.

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 01:25:08 GMT

you told me to give it a try
this is me trying
one day at a time
im taking it easier

these days

i find

go quicker if i try to forget (and i do)
how life is better without you

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:48:22 GMT

i noticed
you kept your flask in the pocket of your blazer
when you see me, for special occasions
to slip into something more comfortable-
a film of indifference
and you know this sweet warm place
where nothing touches your thick wet lips
eyes glazed with apathy;
being so careless has paid off
in full. see?
look at me when im typing to you.

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 03:10:53 GMT

matt gave me an awesome mix cd for my birthday and these imogen heap song came on during my run tonight on the last stretch and i started crying- yay steriods. yay angst.

----------------------------------------------------

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to me
I think you better leave; it's not safe in her,
I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then
I can keep your number for a rainy day
That's when its set, no mistakes no misbehaving
I was doing so well, can we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me
Oh now don't make it harder than it already is
I feel a weakness coming on.

Big trouble loosing control
Primary resistance at a critical load
On the double gotta get a hold
Point of no return a second to go

No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
To a lower lever, systems failed, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in

Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 04:20:47 GMT

i feel as though i am gradually letting down everyone in my life
and being miserable
maybe its the steriods- ha, roid rage
but im losing hope in something that i cant even put my finger on
__________________________________________________

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When I go to sleep for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears.
When they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
This is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
________________________________________________

these expreiences and moments, people bursting into lives, what good drama on the stage is made for, these blips in the green line that im beginning to think ends when we die,- i have not learned anything since ive been 13. because i still think those moments are life, when they actually are just a privelaged existing entitiy that i get to experience rarely. i have to stop being so selfish
and stop being so unhappy with what i have become

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 00:25:27 GMT

We have a whole life to live together you fucker, but it can't start until you call.- You and me and everyone we know

whooooah

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 06:06:46 GMT

holy shit
im 21
:)

this breakdown has nothing to do with crane. (which is a nice change of pace.)

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 03:29:02 GMT

I left ballet today, I told Pam I was sick
some stomach bug/going around crane/sick during chorus
BULLshit
I JUST COULDNT TAKE AN HOUR AND A HALF OF LOOKING AT MYSLEF IN A HUGE MIRROR
I didn’t mean for caps lock to be on for that- but it definitely worked and i will take artistic credit for it.
so i did Russian diction hw instead and practiced
and obsessed over my weight
and bought pretzels and an apple
because it makes it all better
i thought showering would help- doing my hair, looking conventionally beautiful and making effort

and it did until I entered the union and I felt completely pudgy and flurries don’t help and all of a sudden it was 10 o clock

and I’m sitting in my room, watching American beauty, missing nick for no reason or every reason

“it wasn’t paradise, but it was home” even when we were doing the friends thing which lets face it failed miserably.

I walked around campus and then into the union and bought a pack of camel lights. I walked around campus, holding said pack of cigarettes in my right hand in my right pocket feeling devious and excited with a secret. A group of kids in sweatsuits got out of their night class and I lit up. With a match- with 3 matches (it’s windy and I don’t do this)

Lighting yourself on fire is easy to do when you have the fingerless gloves with the mitten flaps. I almost did it 6 times. I didn’t inhale or even let it touch my lips that much, I just leaned against brainard and tried to figure out why I cried so much tonight sometime between 7:30 and 10 pm… trying to recall what exactly happened

And why I hate my body and work so hard at making it perfect when nothing shows

And if it does

It doesn’t matter

Because if your personality is chunky, no elliptical can fix that. And I will not compete for everything.

The only redeeming factor in my evening is my apple spice candle. It looks like a big red glass apple. And I love it.

I can’t cry anymore, my eyes are dry and red and they hurt a lot more than I thought they would

I don’t want to do anything for my birthday anymore.

The last 20 years may have been a coma

so why would I want to wake up

my sister just called and gave me the name of the bar she is at and where she is parked because the perfect guy she was getting one or two drinks with turned out to be a roofie laced psycho.

I <3 dudes, DON’T YOU

lyrics running through my head

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 02:40:31 GMT

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

----------------------------

I might saved a little trouble for the next girl, 
Cause the next time that he cheats... 

Oh, you know it won't be on me

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 15:53:39 GMT

i had a dream that i just sight read "fill my cup" at a funeral of a boy from high school. pieces of hosmer choir as well as john reagan were sightreading the piece and sharing music.
i need to stop doing drugs clearly because that dream amde nooooo sense.
today is a homework day and a workout day
today is not a day to map out my life
maybe tomorrow

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 21:43:39 GMT

i want to taste you, for it to flood through me and thicken my blood
to remember the ins and outs of your laughs and moans
to sob into your stomach and gleam between your shoulderblades
thats all

such a girl moment

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 17:42:37 GMT

MY JEAN SKIRT FROM SOPHOMORE YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL FITS ME!!
suck it, cosmo
who says pumping iron isnt sexy?!
UH HUH!

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 19:00:19 GMT

the two reasons i havent been updating:

Queer theory, Gender Theory by Riki Wilchins

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

the former is hitting home especially with this one quote:
"I know I am a woman, but a lot of the time, I don't feel like a woman. I don't feel particuarly like anything at all. It's only when I put on a dress or a man looks at me that I reallly become conscious of it". i dont know if the woman who said this went to an all girls high school, but im pretty sure she did. our sexuality was seperated from everything else we did at Nardin, but its undercurrent in the lunchrooms and in the halls swept us right off of our feet and into a pool of sexual confusion.
i refuse to be Malibu Stacy but i still wear skirts almost everyday (no disrepect who find their identity in gender archetypes, but i just havent found them to be real for me). ive just found myself identifying with more masculine activities as of late.

oh ive been kind of busy
but im feeling really smart
and am fighting gender stereotpyes by going to the gym right now
yay!

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 01:02:17 GMT

the memories from the recent past are keeping me going and holding me back

some moments from this summer help me smile when i am driving alone in the car or lying in bed at night, alone or walking through campus when i am surrounded by people but no one makes eye contact because americans are afraid of intimacy (yay for gross generalizations!)

like driving with nora down the skyway late at night, a good song blasts with arms hanging out the window, the smell of cheerios filled the car and i didnt want that stretch of road to end.

and sitting on ben's couch, my collar sticking to the back of my neck and the ceiling fan cooling my cheeks. after two blue moons everything feels flushed, even his hand as he tells me everything he couldnt say sober and for once, i keep quiet.

and running to the lighthouse on the first overcast day of july, just to sit and sweat on the rocks and stare at the water, listening to my ipod. i finally figured out what i was running from

there is nothing worse than standing at niagara falls with someone when you are lying to them.

so much has been resolved and the rest will come with time. i lack patience because what if all we do is wait and wait for these good things and keep working and keep singing and never stop praying
and nothing good comes?
thinking like that will NOT help me study for my two midterms this week. nope.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 13:48:55 GMT

it is yom kippur
a year ago today, i was working on an acting scene with a guy who honestly took my sense away when i was with him, he was that intimidating. i did a lot of smiling and guffawing because my wit had melted into my shoes and made squishy noises when i walked. the scene took place in the synagogue and through a series of scenettes, we end up on yom kippur, with the cool guy from high school trying to get with the student council president 15 years later.
and as he hits on her by telling her how much his eyes are being opened by fasting (at this point for 3 hours), he exclaims, "i want to taste everything. yum kippur".
and THEN, the guy i was working with all of a sudden realized it was yom kippur- he had forgotten and did not fast or do anything a good jewish boy is supposed to do. that yum kippur thing still makes me laugh outloud when i am by myself. i can hear the way he says it and cant help but smile. i smiled all the way back from crane this morning

this is me beating the monday stint. im hungover from sunday night drinking (very smart of me).
looks like someone's got a case of the mondays.